The Onion and other satire w/ layers

A woman learning an instrument for the first time has deluded herself into thinking she may have a natural affinity for it, despite never showing any signs of having a single musical bone in her body.

The arbiters of the ‘free world’ have today moved to reassure everyone that a looming regional conflict is completely and utterly necessary.

A Betoota Grove restaurant has come under fire from the local vegan community this week, after it was discovered that the ‘vegan’ options available on the menu were not only vastly overpriced, but quite pitiful.

In some truly shocking news for the gaming community, Electronic Arts is set to end its decades long run as a publicly traded company, following news that the publisher has been acquired by Saudi Arabia’s Public Investment Fund (PIF), Silver Lake, and Affinity Partners – the latter led by Jared Kushner, son-in-law of U.S. President Donald Trump.

While TikTok prophets and Facebook aunties spent the week frothing about the supposed Rapture and a “sudden stratospheric warming event” that was definitely meant to trigger the End of Days, locals in our cosmopolitan desert republic have opted for a more reliable coping mechanism. Drinking some FUCKING PISS this afternoon.

A group of local Betoota Men are today picking up the pieces from a rather larger weekend away.

A local girl has left her Uber disappointed, after her Pakistani driver wasn’t speaking soothingly in Urdu to his friend back home over the phone.

A local man has gone and done it again, it can be confirmed today.

A vague preschool incident report has left local parents scratching their heads, unsure whether their four-year-old daughter sustained a minor playground tumble or attempted to topple a South Pacific government.