US President Donald Trump’s planned White House ballroom, requiring the complete demolition of the historic East Wing, is being criticized by Canadians who will now never get to torch building for a second time since the War of 1812.
Following a brazen daylight heist of the French crown jewels from the Louvre, French authorities have declared no charges will be laid, citing the country’s “Trop Cool Pour Être Un Crime” (“Too Cool to be Crime”) law.
With millions across America taking part in today’s planned “No Kings” protest, Canadians have signalled their willingness to lend support – though emphasize that they still have a “weird affection” for their recent Queen.
A popular new sportsbetting app, BetDuel Sportsbook & Casino, advertises “all the fun of sportsbetting and casino slots right in your pocket, plus 4 in 5 odds of developing a debilitating compulsion!”
Following last night’s elimination of the New York Yankees, the United States Department of War has advised the White House that the Toronto Blue Jays are “perilously close” to acquiring the MLB World Series Commissioner’s Trophy.
With the province’s teachers on strike, Danielle Smith’s UCP government has tabled new legislation banning the use of the number 58,008, in order to “protect Alberta’s most precious resource, our children.”
Toronto Police announced a bold new initiative aimed at streamlining emergency response and reducing delays due to 911 hold times. The public is now encouraged to call 911 several days in advance to reserve a police response.
The ongoing Canada Post strike has impacted the ability of grandmothers across the nation to send you “a few dollars” on your birthday, which has been discovered to be a crucial cornerstone of the Canadian economy.
Local scroller Kyle Townsend has been forced to watch a brief commercial for paper towels, completely ruining his hour spent flitting aimlessly between Instagram, X/Twitter, Facebook, and TikTok.
As Saudi Arabia’s new comedy festival welcomes talent from around the world, local executioner Imad Usman is excited for the opportunity to perform in front of larger audiences.
Silver Lake Partners, Saudi Arabia’s sovereign wealth fund, and Jared Kushner were shocked when they found out their $55 Billion buyout of EA did not include the new, downloadable content.
In a speech before the UN General Assembly, Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu declared that Canada officially recognizing Palestine as a state is worse than anything else he could imagine happening there.
In a private meeting with Ukrainian President Volodymr Zelenskyy, US President Donald Trump stated he fully believes the embattled nation can take back all of its territory currently occupied by Russian forces, specifically if Ukraine can make supporting them “worth America’s while”.
U.S. Ambassador Pete Hoekstra has vowed to improve anti-American sentiment he sees in Canada, no matter how many illegal tariffs, forced annexations, or literal bombs it takes to do it.
In a press conference today, US Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt confirmed that all non-US track and field athletes will be chased by agents of United States Immigration and Customs Enforcement while competing in the 2028 Summer Olympics.
Americans who champion the right to bear arms were shocked Wednesday as controversial commentator Charlie Kirk was shot and killed, as opposed to the ordinarily acceptable trend of mass shootings in schools.
A planned reception for the architect of Project 2025 – the infamous policy blueprint for the Trump Administration – has been cancelled because Mark Carney wants the planned far-right authoritarian takeover of Canada “to be a fun surprise”.
Following the death of iconic Canadian First Nations actor Graham Greene, grieving viewers report finding themselves utterly overwhelmed by choice when attempting to pick a single film or TV show to watch in tribute.
Tech industry billionaire Jared Banks recently dismissed fears over artificial intelligence disrupting the labor market by insisting that AI is "just a tool", while also himself being a massive tool. [...]
Artificial intelligence promises a bright future filled with ease, innovation and abundance, according to one of the several billionaire tech CEOs who has spent hundreds of millions to build an opulent, secure facility underground surrounded by armed guards to wait out the apocalypse. [...]
Troubled businessman and 53-year-old memelord Elon Musk has once again made headlines with a new business venture, announcing the release of his new baby name book “From Arargnft to Zrrfppfortt”.
ABS Innovations newest hire quit today citing the immense psychological strain from the pressure of having to deliver a sufficiently “fun” fact about herself in her first week.
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